#19: Crushin' it

Actual Updates

Hello! We shall begin, this time, with a glimpse into my notes for this issue:

people people people people! hugs hugs hugs hugs!

If it wasn’t obvious, I finally got to see some people again, and I nearly cried several times, and I hugged some dear friends for the first time in a long time (and in one case, for the first time ever, long story but it took a pandemic, I guess). I make jokes about being the extrovert of extroverts, and about withering away while cooped up here alone, but I cannot even begin to explain how much my cup was refilled after a few days of real live human interaction. Like, the “this cured my depression” line is still just an internet joke, but this is the closest I’ve come to feeling legitimately happy, not just less-depressed, in years. There are so many people I love and I fully leapt at at least one of them, which may have been a bit too much, but here we are. I don’t think I’ve lost friends over an excess of effusiveness… yet!

Relatedly, I think, I’m finally writing again; I haven’t been able to, really, for awhile. I didn’t have time, but I still don’t - I write in between other stuff, or after midnight when I’m done with work, and that hasn’t changed. But I’ve got ideas again, and I have to think it’s because I’m replenished by being around people. I was just getting too depressed to have thoughts, I guess. And to answer the question you were definitely not going to ask but were probably thinking, it’s terrible! But things don’t have to be good to be worth doing, or even to be enjoyable. Source: my entire air guitar career.

Another thing that is good: my Canadian passport photo saga has finally come to an end. Let me tell you all about it:So I need to renew my Canadian passport, and this means I need new photos. Naturally, they have different size specifications than US ones, so I printed out the little spec sheet and walked down the hill we live on top of, and up the hill the CVS is on top of, and asked them if they do Canadian passport pictures. No, they said, US only. Walgreens does, though, they offered helpfully, and there's one near my work, so that was my next stop, after work the next day.At the Walgreens, the photo guy was very enthusiastic about how prepared they are to take Canadian passport photos, except for one problem: someone had recently broken in and stolen all their photo equipment. Maybe try the CVS across the street.At the CVS across the street, they were initially feeling pretty positive about their ability to do it, but the program they used no longer prompted them at the beginning to select the country it was for, so, nope - US only.Now, the next weekend, Matt was going to get his regular US passport photo taken at the post office, since he also needed to renew his. He got there and their machine was out of order. So then we headed over to yet another Walgreens - they were simply not doing any passport photos at all.Finally, for the 5th place in my search and the 3rd in his, we went to the CVS down the street, and at last, at last we got our pictures taken. And I don’t even look like a serial killer in mine (and I have my sassy little mohawklet frothing away on top of my head in it, so shoutout to that being my photo for the next 5 or 10 years, I love it).

And, to close this section and June, which it still is at the time of this writing, it’s time for more Gay Shit, which honestly ought to get its own heading one of these months. But ok, so I started out this month peppering my Instagram stories with queer content focusing on, to quote Janis Joplin1, “matters of great social and political import.” I ended the month, conversely, in a burst of chaotic queer shitposting energy, which is actually a perfect summation of me as a human being. And one of the dumb memes I threw up there was one that said that in June it was forbidden by law to be straight, and anyone found not being A Gay would be reported to the authorities, etc etc, you get it. I had wanted to follow that up with a primer, for the concerned straight person, on how to get started when you’re not sure. Not everyone has time to go watch Top Gun for gay subtext (spoiler: there is none! It’s all just text), but one kind of benign, low-effort thing you can try is having a crush on someone. Crushes are great! Huge fan. I’ve got tons. I recommend it to everyone. But Camille, you may be thinking, how am I supposed to do that for someone who practices a gender that I’m traditionally not attracted to? Well you’re in luck. I have devised2 a very easy 4-step plan to get a little practice in of pining over someone, and you can use it for anyone, of any gender, since it doesn’t have anything to do with their physical form. Here it is, for the maybe 3 or 43 straight people who read this newsletter.

1. Think of something you’re good at, and imagine yourself doing that thing, or if it’s not the kind of thing that looks impressive while doing it, imagine you’ve just done a particularly good job of it.

2. Now think of a person who might be your answer to “well, I’m straight, but if I had to think of someone, I guess I’d say ____.” Famous people are great for this. It is literally their job, for instance, to be attractive. If this part of the exercise gives you flashbacks to answering a similar question at a sleepover in high school and you knew your answer right away, either then or now, please see me after class, I’ve got exciting news for you.

3. Okay. Now imagine that this person is watching you do the thing from step 1, or regarding your finished work from step 1 if it’s that kind of a talent, with an expression of frank admiration on their face. “Wow, you’re amazing,” they are saying or conveying. “This is really good.” Uh, I guess also imagine that they know whereof they speak, here. Pretty much anyone can tell if you did a good job of singing a song or decorating a cake, but I realize some talents are more esoteric, so if you’re (e.g.) a chess boss or something, assume that Whoever knows from good chess. This is so that their opinion will have merit and not just be blowing smoke.

4. Feels good, right? Lean into that feeling. Imagine them being impressed by you. Imagine doing something and hoping they saw it. From this point, the point of blushing that they think you're awesome and wanting to feel that way some more, it's a short hop to things like imagining the little internal “eeeee” if they sit down next to you, or wanting to make them laugh, or thinking about how it would be if they liked your laugh4 and would recognize it across a crowded room…

Try it! Did it work? I feel pretty good about it - and this is all without getting into any physical attraction, but I find that can follow along organically after once you’re busy thinking about them in a positive and hopeful light. And anyway we can cover that in the 201-level class. So: congrats! You did it! You got someone unexpected on your mind! And that means you aren’t going to Gay Jail after all, which is what really matters.

Some links

Hold on, I’m starting my own chicken bone jar. Ancient Athenians Used a Jar Filled With Chicken Bones to Curse Their Enemies

Remember when Planet Hollywood was cool? Can you even imagine a time when celebrities would - enthusiastically! - go to a restaurant just to hang out and provide the masses with the possibility of seeing them? Planet Hollywood could never exist today. The Rise and Fall of Planet Hollywood (note: I read this a couple weeks ago or so, and at that time it was free to access, but when I just checked the link just now, it says it’s subscribers only, so I’m not sure how it will behave for you)

On remembering to make sure you’ve thought about plumbing and toilets in your work of fiction (and thinking about whether the people you read have done so). Sanitation in Fantasy World-Building

Shoutout to the friend who brought this raindrop tracker into my life. This is going to be this month’s iceberg float simulator in that I’m just going to do it over and over. River Runner

This is an oral history by the activists in question - some of whom are still not speaking to each other, by the way - about this road trip they went on in 1970. It’s eye-opening, it’s nerve-wracking, and it’s also kind of hilarious? But mostly I think about how they knew who to meet up with all across the country, the other gay people and the safe and welcoming allies, in 1970. The Incredible True Adventure of Five Gay Activists and the Black Panther Party

This is cool. I’m honestly surprised most of all that the reason the town is visible is not climate change. Also, fun fact for me, there’s a tweet about it in Italian at the end of the article, and I could read it! Good job Duolingo, good job me. Sunken Medieval Italian Town Emerges From Lake for First Time in 70 Years

What if dark matter, but fish? I could give you more context but I’m not going to, just read it! Dark Fish

I had no idea about this whole ordeal - the story kind of touches on that, how this should have been major news, but it was during the time when there was always something new and outrageous every couple days, and someone just full-on stealing a plane wasn’t worth the column inches, I guess. Also this contains a sentence I nearly sent around to everyone until I decided I’d just share the whole article here instead. The Sky Thief

Here’s one for the “nightmare fuel” department. The Strange, Soggy Saga of Glurpo, San Marcos’s Underwater Clown

This is the beginning of a Twitter thread on companies who both give themselves a rainbow logo for the month of June and also give heavily to politicians and initiatives that are anti-gay and anti-trans. I would say they can all fuck off into outer space, but as it’s already been amply proven, space is gay, so they’re actually not welcome there. They can take a long walk off a short pier. There, that works!

OOH BOY. So, this flyer has been making the rounds of the internet, and I’ve been seeing it reposted on Twitter a few times, so I assume the flyers are up all over LA or something - but I saw it first on the Instagram story of this artist I really like. Now, I took a screenshot of the flyer photo. Here it is:

Sorry for not cropping out all the phone stuff, I didn't care.But naturally, faced with this piece of promotional magic, I had to go to the website. And frankly, so do you: http://impissed.net/ - watch the video.

Tunes I’ve been listening to lately

Any time I ever say “Every ____, every ____ in the whole world could be yours!” about anything at all, it is a direct reference to this song. Yet another reference I made at work that fell into the void.

So we were listening to Township, the most 70s-est band of the early 2010s, for unrelated reasons at home, and then I decided to listen to them some more at work because 1. good, and 2. my office is (to my constant discomfort) located in the building that used to house their practice space/the studio where they recorded. It’s weird to listen to bands from that label/bands who practiced here, while sitting on a couch that doesn’t have lice, on a carpet that has had, as yet, 0 beers spilt on it, looking out a window that is not scratched and yellowed beyond the ability to admit light. I don’t know. It’s weird and bad to be personally responsible for ( =work for a company that rents a building from a company that kicked out the former rocknroll tenants and gutted the interior to rebuild for fancy tenants, like us) the demise of a legendary practice space, in a town that already has a dearth of practice spaces, but on the other hand it’s really nice in here and I haven’t had to sit through any uncomfortable, awkward shows and that One Guy I Don’t Like is not around. Anyway here’s a video of Township on Precinct’s5 tiny triangular stage.

The other day I was listening to a little Janis Joplin and I realized that I need to either make this one of my go-to karaoke jams OR do an air guitar routine to an edit of it eventually (that first 30 seconds? are you kidding me? and then the other solo later on? phew!!), or, if I want to really be obnoxious at the karaoke bar, both at once. Janis Joplin, or more specifically a Hong Kong bootleg greatest-hits cd, was the soundtrack to my formative years so I know I know every note, even when I don’t think I do. You know how that is? You think you don’t know a song and then when it comes down to singing along with it, you actually do know every word of it? Happens often with the radio hits you were too cool for as a teen? That’s this, except for I was absolutely not too cool for it and I never will be.

This month’s top 5: Stupid reasons I’ve developed crushes on people

Note: this is stupid reasons only. “Super funny and charming” does not count, nor does “hot.”

1. Not being a total asshole to me constantly like every other boy in the 8th grade

2. Being the weird rocker kid with “long” hair and band shirts

3. Inexplicable but widely agreed-upon pheromone explosion - i.e. this person somehow had half the room mooning over them and no one could really pin down why

4. Being annoyed by the same things as me

5. Thought they liked me (this one can be applied to all the other ones and more, actually)

Okay, final notes, time as usual to bring the party down; I’m not wishing you a happy national day of whatever country you’re in because … have you seen these countries? Colonialist genocidal nightmares. You’ve seen the articles, and you’re going to see more, everyone has always known this was true but now the proof is here.

By all means enjoy the day off - a day you’re allowed not to work, under capitalism, is a gift - but perhaps a bit more of a “solemn contemplation” vibe than a “whee fireworks” vibe.

Also, fireworks??? In this climate change hellscape? An ENTIRE TOWN in BC, historically always the national temperature hotspot (and indeed they hit a record that beat Las Vegas’ record during the recent heatwave, 49.6 C/121 F), was just wiped off the map by a forest fire. So I am not feeling very celebratory. I know this is a huge tonal shift from the rest of this issue, but I felt I would be remiss in not mentioning either of these things. ANYWAY BYE GO EAT A HOTDOG