#23: I'm a Kristy with a Claudia rising

Actual updates

It first behooves me to note that the costume I said I'd be wearing, last time, was a bust1. Not like that. But I couldn’t get any of the key components I needed - not even a wig! - until after Halloween, so it’s on the back burner for next year. Instead, I rewore my Gideon the Ninth costume, which is pretty decent if Gideon were short and indifferent of muscle rather than tall and buff. I did a better job on my skull makeup this time around, though!

Onwards: would you believe it is still Passport Photo Drama time? Not for me this time, thankfully - both of mine are, at last, valid and in my hands - but for Hap. We went to get him his first passport so that one day we may be able to go visit my folks (let alone move), and when you’re applying for a kid's passport you have to go in person to an approved location and sign it in front of an agent. Post offices are one such location, and they take passport photos too, so we2 booked an appointment and off we went. We got there and the person checked over our form and declared that everything was in order, but she couldn’t take Hap’s picture because their camera was broken.

So, okay, not a problem, we can go to the CVS a block away and get his picture there and come back, right? Wrong! Ha ha ha! It’s like you haven’t even been paying attention. Of course we couldn’t! They wouldn’t have anyone available to take photos until noon, which was over an hour away - let’s not forget that we had an appointment at a particular time. Well, there was another CVS down the road a bit, so off we went, and they… only take passport photos on Thursdays. By this point I was wishing I knew more languages so that I could swear in them.

We wound up going to a Walgreens the next neighborhood over, and they were able to do it, although getting a passport-acceptable photo from a 4-year-old was never going to be easy (it took about a dozen takes to get one where he was looking straight ahead with a neutral expression). Fortunately, the post office had another opening about an hour later than our original one, and we went back there, stood in line, and finally, finally, sent the thing off to be processed. We are that much closer to being able to actually go somewhere in a plane. We are that much closer to being able to move!

In fact, speaking of moving, it’s November today, and that means - !!!! - that today I need to do some things on the Vancouver public school website to ensure that Hap can get enrolled for school there for next school year! I may faint while doing this, it’s all so real. It’s also nonsensical to me that if we stayed here, Hap would not be starting kindergarten next fall. His birthday misses the cutoff by 2 weeks, so he would be in the following year’s cohort. The kids in this cohort are his peers in just about every way, though, and starting the year after would be like being held back a grade. But back home the cutoff is at the end of the calendar year; as long as you’re turning 5 in the year you’re starting school, you’re good to go. So. Signing little buddy up for school in the old hometown. If you’ll excuse me, I am emotional.

And speaking of emotional, so - okay, so first of all, I was born in the early 80s, which means that by the time I was in the 3rd grade or whatever, in 1990, I was prime age for the Babysitters’ Club series of books, which started in 1986. I have no idea when I actually started reading them, but that seems about right. And I had read a positive article about the new BSC tv show, so we started watching it earlier this month. The article was right - it’s quite good and handles being updated to the modern day pretty well - and in addition, there was not A SINGLE EPISODE where I didn’t start crying. I have reached the point in my life where I’m crying at the Babysitters’ Club tv show. It was always a surprise, but I would always end the episode with tears streaming down my face.

I have a theory about this. The theory is that not only am I now being moved by the predicaments of the main characters, but also I am old enough to be moved by the predicaments of their parents, so it’s a double whammy and I’m screwed.

That being said, astrology is fun and all but the real personality test is knowing which BSC member you are. I’m obviously a Kristy (bossy! Ideas-y! Good at… talking! Obviously grew up to be queer!) except less athletic and less drawn to turtlenecks. Feel free to let me know which you are!

Also, how do you like a little full circle - last issue, I was sitting home waiting for the results of a COVID test, and suddenly I am doing the same thing again as I write this one. An hour into the rare day off that Hap doesn’t also have off, I got a message from his school that one of his classmates had gotten a positive test, so everyone had to come pick up their kids and get tested. None of us are feeling sick, although the moment you hear this news you immediately think of every time you or anyone in your family has coughed in recent memory. I have hope we’ll get through this with negative tests; I’m not looking forward to the prospect of working from home the rest of the week with a cooped-up 4-year-old interrupting me every 15 seconds, though.

Some links

It was just Halloween, so get ready for a bunch of spooké links. Starting with: 10 Terrifyingly True Tales of Absolute Terror

Lighthouses are readymade for horror if you think about it. And I’m not even talking about that movie where Robert Pattinson absolutely demolishes a seagull. Haunted Houses Have Nothing on Lighthouses

Not spooky, but Halloweeny and very interesting. For Centuries, Halloween Was A Day For Young Women To Predict Their Future Husbands: A Look At The Unlikely Romantic History Of All Hallow's Eve

Also not spooky per se, but amnesia as a topic is disconcerting, and the story is eerie and sad. It’s a longer read, but it’s worth your time. Searching for Mr. X

I don’t know, is “robot who makes art” spooky? Is “robot who makes art accused of being a spy and detained” spooky? Is “the cops threatened to confiscate the robot’s eyes”? It’s something, all right. An Art-Making Robot Was Detained on Her Way to Show at the Pyramids Because Egyptian Customs Officials Thought She Was a Spy

Is “tadpole with algae in its head obviates its need to breathe” spooky or is it actually cool? Or is it actually both? Yeah. It’s both. Scientists Create Creature that Doesn’t Need to Breathe

I’m pretty sure an eel named after Tony Iommi isn’t spooky but it is interesting, plus it harks back to my favorite weird discovery of the past ~year: the Erdös-Bacon-Sabbath number. For the record, I do not have one, but I do have a fairly low Bacon number - it’s 3 - (it helps to have gone to high school with Seth Rogen) and a Sabbath number of 4, which is also not too bad. Now I just need to publish a paper with someone who’s published a paper with someone. Scientists Name Ancient Eel-Like Creature after Black Sabbath Guitarist Tony Iommi

Can someone go check on botanists? This plant does not look remotely penisy. I mean, it’s kind of almost a cylinder, but you can’t just name every nearly-cylindrical plant a “penis plant.” The Rare “Penis Plant” Just Bloomed for the First Time in over Two Decades

Another great article on the Hobby Lobby antiquities theft scandal, which I believe I’ve referred to in the past3. This is an indepth explanation of their continued and ongoing crimes! That Robby Hobby 

A friend4 made this extremely fascinating tool to consider the balance of sentence length in a piece of writing (now with even more in-sentence rhythm!). You can randomize some pieces of writing and see how their rhythms go, or paste in something of your own (or that you’ve copied out of a book), and see the results. It’s fascinating and I can waste a lot of time playing with it if I’m not careful. This Sentence Has Five Words

It is no secret that I think Bim Adewunmi is fantastic. This is a great interview with her; it’s all about books. And, I mean, she could not be more right, beginnings are easier than endings - ask everything I’ve ever written (if you can find something I’ve finished). Beginnings Are Easier than Endings

Did you know that the Northern Lights made a sound? I did not! Also, I feel like it’s slightly unfair to me personally that they were very visible from the old hometown not long ago, which is very far south for them - and naturally they do that the year before I’m going to be moving back. I have a bit of a Fraught History with missing the aurora; we were up at my aunt and uncle’s lodge up north when I was 10 and there was an amazing display one night, but no one came to wake us up because my brother and I were kids. We raised a stink, so they woke us up the next night, but that night it was just 3 plain white stripes across the sky. So basically, I am forever missing the cool ones. How Scientists Searched for the Elusive Sounds of the Northern Lights

This is the most important link I’m sharing this month, and possibly the most important piece of journalism ever written. A List of Old People Who I Believe Do and Do Not Know Who Mario Is

What am I reading

Comics! I’m 2 volumes and change into American Vampire, which I have the unfortunate habit of singing to the tune of “American Woman.” To be fair, I do want them to stay away from mee-eee, though (the vampires, that is… the women can stay).

The premise is that when the first vampire was created on American soil, they evolved to be powered by the sun rather than killed by it, and that particular vampire is decidedly NOT a heartthrob or especially sympathetic. I appreciate that; I’m the only person on earth who is not hot to trot for vampires and it’s nice to see one who’s just an absolute dick.

As vampires do, he goes on to turn other people, so there are other American Vampires running around, being varying degrees of murderous, and an old-guard Eurovamp cabal who hates all their guts and wants to root them out, and various human vampire-hunters also doing their thing.

It’s not bad! Since vampires live forever, the series gets to be set in assorted different eras (it started in Cowboy Times, which means I got to spend more time thinking about this TikTok, which is never a problem). That’s a fun conceit and lets the artists draw lots of interesting clothes and cars and scenarios. The one I’m in the middle of now is set during WWII - because as if there weren’t enough real horrors going on, what that era needed was vampires - and then I think the next book is in the 70s.

I think my real vampire taste in entertainment is pretty much just “is it What We Do in the Shadows?” and since this isn’t that, and isn’t zany or unhinged or really funny at all, it’s fine but I’m going to forget about it pretty much right after I finish reading it. And that’s fine! Not everything has to be the most influential work of literature that I’ve ever consumed! Some things can be just okay!5

Tunes I’ve been listening to lately

So I decided to work through the discography of Vancouver punk staples DOA, and on the way through, was reminded that this song, which I think of as being from the movie Hard Core Logo (which watch), is really theirs. I think the movie version is better than the album version, though, and that's what's here, although the original will have to be what's on the year-end playlist.

Matt dressed up as a hot dog for Halloween and I told him this should be his theme song (although thinking about it, this would also work). Also, I've been hauling off on the chorus of it for the last 2 weeks.

As you have to do occasionally when you live in Boston, I recently went on a Jonathan Richman kick. So you get a twofer, because whenever I think of Jonathan Richman, I also think of another song, which follows…

Did you think it was going to be Bamboo Banga? Nope. It’s this. Well, it’s also that. Fair enough.

This month’s top 5: Babysitters’ Club characters according to how much I have in common with them

1. Kristy. See above.

2. Claudia. While I’m not a visual artist and am only ok at drawing, I do engage in creative pursuits of other kinds, and the idea of having candy hidden all over my room sounds great to me. I am also disappointing to my parents!

3. Mary Ann. Look, sometimes I just want to be left alone and read my book.

4. Mallory. Basically all I remember about her in the books was that she had red hair and a lot of siblings. My hair has been artificially red a couple times, and I have a lot of cousins, so that’s as close as it gets.

5. Stacey. Yeah, no.

Well, time to wrap up this newsletter while I watch the last 10 minutes of Dune, about which I do not care at all (Matt was already watching it when my D&D game finished), and then go on into the hockey game that just started. I’m very angry with hockey right now. If you’re not aware of the situation going on currently, you can get the basics from this article, but note that there is a content warning for sexual assault. In short, yet another situation where abuse and assault were covered up because everything is more important than the players and their health and safety. I watched a game the other day where the commentators between periods discussed the press conference that Kyle Beach (the player who came forward) gave, and they were all on the verge of tearing up about it, and I can’t help but think a lot more people than you might think may have a story to tell. Something that happened to them, something that happened to someone they knew, something that was an open secret on their team. I can’t know for sure. But I know more stories are going to come out and I’m furious and heartbroken.

Also, my team loses nonstop. I’m having so much fun here!!!