#45: Good idea, bad idea

Actual updates

Do you want to know what my big deadline thing was that kept me from getting this newsletter out on time? Do you?? Well… a friend tipped me (and everyone else she knew) off to a short story contest1 she had participated in a couple of years ago - she was even shortlisted - and I thought, why don’t I give this a shot? It’s 1000-3000 words, that’s not a lot, I could crank that out.

The thing is this: the deadline for submissions was August 31st. The thing is this: that date was two weeks away at the time.

Furthermore, I didn’t have anything I was already in progress on (that would fit the bill), and I had also been hit in the head that day, hard enough that a colleague shone his phone light into my eyes when I got to work to make sure I wasn’t concussed. (I wasn’t.) One might be forgiven for thinking “Is it wise to make a decision like this after sustaining a blow to the head?” but I’m not the kind of person to make “smart choices” or have “good ideas.”

So I did it. I thought up an idea that could fit the theme (oh, yeah, there was a theme) and started working on it. I finished it a couple nights before the deadline, after having to cut it down by about 500 words and hoping that it was still any good, that the third act shift wasn’t abrupt in the wrong way, that anyone would want to read it. I don’t have any real hopes of winning this - I mostly just enjoyed writing a story about this particular idea, and I might like writing a slightly longer one that spent more time with each character if I find the time ever, but I’d be over the moon if I got longlisted, and that’s my stretch goal.

The funny thing, though, is that if you win, one of the things you get is an automatic submission to the Pushcart Prize. I don’t know anything about anything, so I looked it up, and it’s a short story/poetry/essay prize specifically geared towards publications by small presses. Sounds great! Then I saw that one of the suggested searches in the Google results was something like “should I be impressed by a Pushcart Prize nomination” and the response was a resounding no! Winning it, yes; being nominated for it, apparently not! I guess they get upwards of 10,000 submissions a year, so winning really does mean something, but nominations are a dime a dozen. Not that I’m going to have to worry about this problem, since the nomination comes with winning the contest, and that’s … deeply unlikely, but it just made me laugh a bit.

In other news, here’s some that I don’t love having to report: we’re not moving until after this school year, after all. It isn’t possible to come in in mid-year in Vancouver, from what I understand - you can be a few days late but not a few weeks late, and “a few days late” means sometime in the next 2 weeks. And that’s obviously not going to happen; I’m only partway through my driving lessons (I went on the highway today, in the rain! And merged in behind a big dump truck and its significant spray plume! Nobody can tell me shit!2), and I’m in the middle of entertaining quotes for the incredibly expensive adventure that is re-siding a house3.

So. That’s something. I’m holding onto what I can, here, you know?

Oh, and if you want to know about the thing where I got wallopped in the head, it was the doors of an Orange Line car, which shot out so fast and hit so hard, I didn’t see it coming at all and I thought I had been hit by a person or something like that. I knew I was racing the clock for the doors but there was no indication that the doors were actually closing RIGHT NOW. And then, and this is the kind of weird part, I thought they would bounce back open or at least stop trying to close, having encountered an obstacle (me). They did not. My head was fine, ultimately, but I had bruises on my arms from trying to ward the doors off (unsuccessfully). Another passenger came to my aid and shoved the door more forcefully than I could, and I got on and sat down and tried to unring my bell. The shock of it affected me more than the actual impact, I think. But yeah! That’s it! I lost a fight to a subway train door!

What am I reading

I’ve got two books on the go right now, owing to being in the middle of one book when a friend lent me another book. I’m a good target for lending books! I’m a fast reader and you’ll go right to the top of the stack - or higher (i.e., setting down what I’m already reading in favor of yours) if needed! Friends, Romans, countryfolk, lend me your books! Also I have a deep bookshelf full of winners, from which I will thoughtfully curate a book to lend you in return.

So I was reading The Human Division, one of John Scalzi’s latter entries in his Old Man’s War universe, which I’ve now put on pause. Its special little feature is that he wrote it as several standalone chapters which all come together to form a cohesive whole, and he puts that right in the introduction, so you do go in knowing this4, which definitely colors how I’m experiencing the book. All the chapters do fit together - they form a followable story, and he doesn’t have to spend the beginning of each one reintroducing the characters you already met in the last one - but it does make the whole experience kind of artificial. You know you’re reading a writing exercise and that stays in your mind even as you get into the story.

The premise of the larger universe into which this story fits is that humans have gone to space and found it full of other civilizations; they have colonized various planets and so have some of these other people, and they have a military force that fights the wars that arise when these projects of colonization come into conflict. The military force is made up of old people from Earth. Instead of dying of old age, you can sign up for this army, get a new and improved body5 (it’s got greater athletic capabilities! you’ve got a brain implant that lets you communicate with each other and access information your own personal brain does not possess! you can survive worse injuries!), fight space wars for a certain term, and then retire on some colonized planet. Naturally, not everything goes as planned, but that’s the story of other books; this book takes place after quite a bit has gone Not As Planned, and a new threat has arisen. I can’t say much since it would spoil other books, but it’s fine so far! I’m not reading it for a Pulitzer-Prizewinning experience, you know? It’s in mass market paperback size!

The book I paused it in favor of is one many of you are, I’m sure familiar with: Cloud Cuckoo Land, by Anthony Doerr, and speaking of Pulitzer-worthy experiences, this author does already have one in his pocket, for All the Light We Cannot See (which I haven’t read). This one’s a big sprawler with characters in three different broad time periods, tied together, so far, only by some connection to a certain ancient Greek text.

Actually, come to think of it, that’s sort of like writing three shorter stories and interleaving chapters of them, so I guess the two books I am reading both have an element of visible method to them. I don’t know how to explain this in a way that doesn’t make it sound negative, but the artifice - in the sense of art - is showing. You can see the gears that make both books work. And that’s not a minus! It’s a great showcase of craft! I’m fascinated to see if they’re all going to tie together in any larger way beyond just the Greek tale!6

So far I’m giving it high marks in Landscapes of Devastation, Surprise Shockers, and, unexpectedly, Gayness. It’s also great in Apocalypses, both Fast and Slow. These are all positives in any book, obviously! Write me a book with Apocalypse Gays wandering the blasted landscape and throw in an eye-widening twist or connection and I’m sold. In case you were thinking “How can I write a book that will convince Camille specifically to give me money?”7 This is not an exclusive list!

Some links

I’m calling a whale RIGHT NOW. Martha Stewart Criticized After She “Captured a Small Iceberg” for Cocktails During Greenland Trip

We’ve got rich art hoarders! We’ve got rich art hoarders who are terrible to their family! We’ve got free ports8 full of way more Old Masters than people think exist! We’ve got the guys who invented the modern art dealer! We’ve got the woman who inspired this song! We’ve got a lawyer who defended dictators! What has this story not got! The Inheritance Case That Could Unravel an Art Dynasty

If you thought the strike was rough on the human actors, think about what it’s like for not just the animals who costar with them, but the humans who take care of those animals. They need it even more, too: their pay is pennies compared to what they need. Animal Actors Are On Strike, Too. These Are Their Stories

The current state of affairs is grim for drag, because there’s always got to be some thing that bigots think will corrupt the children. But think about how much drag we’ve all consumed growing up without batting an eyelash - this essay does. Life is Drag

Cool industrial design! Remote control buttons that actually went clickety clack (for my mechanical keyboard enjoyers, haha)! And learning how the remote actually controlled the tv remotely! These existed before I was born, but we just had a get-up-and-turn-the-dial tv when I was a tot. The Buttons on Zenith’s Original “Clicker” Were a Mechanical Marvel

The mob, Jimmy Hoffa, and building Las Vegas. It remains very much a union town, which I didn’t realize! I also didn’t realize what a challenge it would have been to hire people to run casinos when they had just become legal, since anyone with experience got that experience by committing (what was at the time) a crime. What Happened in Vegas 

This is an infuriating story because of all the police disinterest in solving it, and not just at the time that it happened, either (although that’s obviously the worst time for it to happen, in terms of being able to actually follow leads). Two Teens Hitchhiked to a Concert. 50 Years Later, They Still Haven’t Come Home

I’m terrible at folding paper planes. A Living History of the Humble Paper Airplane

Great question! Impossible to answer! We don’t know what we don’t know, of course, but how do you figure out how many of any given creature exists? How many bugs are there? We may think we know, but how could we ever be sure? How Many Dinosaurs Remain Undiscovered?

Imagine being in the middle of making a documentary about a famous hostage situation when your own dad, a journalist, is himself taken hostage. This story is told from both the filmmaker daughter and journalist dad’s viewpoints, and it’s very compelling. Held Together

Route 66 by Greyhound bus is about what you’d expect. This is a somewhat grimmer version of the article I read - I want to say by Douglas Coupland, but there’s no record of this being true - about taking the final ride9 on the across-Canada route on Viarail (Canada’s Amtrak). Specifically, it’s supposed to have this sort of traveller’s romance about it, but really it’s just sad and lonely and full of chainsmokers because there’s still a smoking car. And so on. A Beautiful, Broken America

I feel like my dad would have some thoughts on this. But also, I think it’s good to pay into projects to improve the environment, which these offsets are supposed to do, but in practice it seems like it’s mostly just paying extra for the right not to feel guilty about flying somewhere in a plane. Are Carbon Offsets All They’re Cracked Up To Be? We Tracked One From Kenya to England to Find Out

To sing the song of my people, why not both? Is This a Taco Bell Party or Am I Having an Existential Crisis?

Okay, on the one hand, this is very cool, but on the other hand, is this not the ancient-humans version of how the well-known documentary film Jurassic Park started? And how did that end??? Human Genome Recovered from 5,700-Year-Old Chewing Gum

Again, please do not do this! Stop waking things up! Scientists Woke Up a 46,000-Year-Old Roundworm from Siberian Permafrost

Rather more hopefully, this is about small (small! like tennis-court-sized!) but dense forests planted in urban areas and the outsized effects they have. One of them is not far from me! Maybe I’ll go see it! Tiny Forests with Big Benefits

Tunes I’ve been listening to lately

This is an old (9 years, whoa) recording of this song, which gives the history of how Matt’s band got their name. The lineup looks a little different now and so do the actual human people involved, but this was the version of the song I liked the best.

Relatedly, the Nuclears are great and used to play together with the Guilloteenagers a lot, while the former band still existed. They were in love with Rolling Rock, inexplicably (catch the reference in this song!) and once came to our house after a show and stayed up half the night arguing about 7-layer dip. This song puts forth the thesis that the platonic ideal of “partying” is “making out with dames and playing Sega games,” and frankly, are they wrong?

Lorde famously left this on repeat, and why shouldn’t she?

This month’s top 5: things to do with books

1. Read them. Self-explanatory.

2. Lend them to people. Also self-explanatory but I feel like stressing it, you should lend people your books and be lent them in turn. Obviously in the same way that everyone wants to be a good guest, everyone should also always want to be a good book-borrower - prompt at returning them, in good condition, and with thoughts on the book, having actually read it - but I’ve been vocal about my recent epiphany that it’s actually fine if people don’t return books I lend them! Unless it’s something that you can’t get again, in which case what are you doing lending it in the first place, if someone doesn’t return your book you just get to buy the book again! You get to give this author that you presumably like more money!

3. Not put creases, etc., in them. This may be controversial. I know it just signifies that the book has been well-loved and read, but I just feel like if you love and value something, you should take good care of it!10

4. Get weird about them with your friends. “Friends” can include a specialized community online, for sure! Maybe not with the general public or with people you only know tangentially, or who don’t feel as strongly about the book as you do, that way Annoying Weirdo status lies, but I cherish the largely exclamation-point-based texts I’ve sent back and forth with friends when one of us read a book the other had recommended, or figuring out where some breadcrumb trail led together, or fancasting the movie that was never made of it (one of my personal favorites), and so on. Get weird with your friends! In general! Do it right now!!

5. Leave them lying around for total strangers to find. I used to be a (small-time) active user of Bookcrossing, and I currently have a low stack of books I want to release in the wild, but it’s a little tougher in this day of “Unattended objects will be taken out back and destroyed.” Still, if you’re both careful and lucky, you can do it.

In conclusion, let me note that despite my delay in getting to start this, this might not even be the latest I've ever sent it. And I've been on vacation all this week so I've had no time to sit down. Good for me, really.