#61: Burning

Actual updates

First things first, some exciting news! You may have already heard this elsewhere online (I haven’t been closed-mouthed about it, haha) but I’ve had a story accepted for publication in a lit mag! The magazine is Litmora, and the new issue, with my story in it, will be out by the time this newsletter hits your inbox (probably for a while, you know how it goes with me and getting this thing out on time). But read all of them! It’s a themed issue - “Beyond the Cosmos” - and my story is called Sweat.

MID-WRITING UPDATE: okay yes the issue is out! That link will take you to the magazine and I’m in the latest issue, but if you want to skip the other stuff (which would mean you would miss out on some great stuff, particularly “What Happened to You in the Stars” and “Neighborhood Watch,” so I really recommend reading the whole thing) buuuuuut: here’s “Sweat”!

This is my first publication, if you don’t count the poem that got published in high school, which I don’t - I don’t remember the name of the publication but it was specifically for high school students in my city, and might have been put out by the school board. Also, it’s possible that every submission got in. So that doesn’t count, which means this is a big deal for me! I’ll have to update my boilerplate submission cover letter to include a “published in” line too!

I’ve got another story (longer, quieter, weirder, not set in space) out on submission right now too, so hopefully I’ll have something else good to announce one of these days. Fingers crossed!

Okay. With that out of the way, it is now time once again for GENDER TIME¹. This month’s round of Gender Time is brought to you by something I saw online. Some trans and nonbinary people were talking about whether there was any representation for them to identify with as youths, and whether that representation (if any) was usually negative or the butt of a joke.

I realized that I actually did have some decent nonbinary representation starting in the late 90s (before that: nothing). Specifically, thanks to working at Folk Fest every summer, I saw Bitch and Animal - in one song Animal refers to being a “Boy Girl Wonder” and says they’re “trans-all-of-that” and a “gender […] bender” - and of course got introduced to Rae Spoon, of whom I’ve stayed a fan through changes to their sound, for over 20 years. They referred to themself as being “retired from gender” and that sounded so refreshing. I think the idea still resonates, too - I mentioned the phrase to a cis guy I know once and he said “man I wish” (so… maybe not the cissest guy in the whole world, perhaps), because, when you think about it, gender is a lot of work! The idea of retiring from it is not unattractive! At, I think, the same year at Folk Fest, I also saw Ivan Coyote² telling some stories, none of them specifically about being nonbinary but all of them super engaging, and I bought their album (and, later, some of their books).

All this to say, around the turn of the century (that’s right), at least in the cultural circles where I was operating, I had the opportunity to encounter this idea of rejecting one’s gender of origin in favor of neither, or in favor of both (“both” as if there are two, which was how I understood it at the time). Of course, it didn’t really take hold that this also meant me, and my constant refrain of “I think I missed that day at Girl School,” until 20 years later, but at least I had examples to look to and see happiness in. I was lucky!

I was also lucky in the type of representation I was looking at; trans women were pretty universally only depicted poorly around that era, and trans men barely at all. I don’t mean to say “actually, good representation was out there!” because depending on what representation you needed, it could be very tough to come by. Again: I had it lucky, and I didn’t even realize that I needed anything at all at that point.

The theme of the overarching luck of people like me continues in yet another Thing I Saw Online³. I’m acquainted with the term “theyfab,” which refers, somewhat dismissively, to AFAB nonbinary people - the vibe is basically “everybody hates a tourist.” I was kind of used to that, in the sense that if someone isn’t talking about you, they’re not talking about you, but then I saw someone saying “she/theys, aka cis women” and even though they weren’t talking about me specifically, they weren’t limiting themselves to people who are annoying with it. The whole swath of people with that pronoun combo, which I wasn’t even using anymore (having switched the order some months ago), was handwaved to irrelevance, because… they don’t mean it enough or something? Because they get read as cis women and get the privilege that comes with that? Because “nonbinary people don’t owe you androgyny” is too easy?⁴ 

It is true that if you’re not a particularly androgynous-looking person, you might have it easier if you aren’t loud and clear about your identity - someone sees you, files you into one gender or another, and doesn’t interrogate that because why would they need to. And it also does mean that you can let it slide with that assumed gender where it’s convenient (or for safety!), if you want to. But I don’t think it’s fair to reject anyone who’s dipping a toe into the waters, maybe just at the start of thinking about this, or maybe they’ve thought quite a bit about it and determined where they land, and it’s a few steps outside of their AGAB but not a huge flying leap. If we’re serious about gender being a spectrum, a cloud, a set of vibes, or however you conceptualize it in a non-discrete way, we have to recognize that for some people, their place in that spectrum/cloud/whatever is “a little different, but not a lot different.”

As to why she/theys specifically, and not, for instance, he/theys, I assume it’s due to the usual: moving from a power group to a less-powerful group is seen as transgressive, but moving from a less-powerful group to, or towards, a power group is seen as aspirational and therefore normal. An AMAB person who says “you know, maybe… not quite so much” is, by this rationale, taking a stance that is therefore “braver” than an AFAB person doing the same, and therefore not slapped with the tourist label. Obviously, trans men and transmasc people experience oppression anyway despite this theory, but I’m guessing that this is why the people (in-community! this isn’t to discount the massive, massive weight of transmisogyny heaped upon trans women and transfem people from outside!) who look askance at AFAB nonbinary people don’t behave the same towards their AMAB nonbinary siblings. This paragraph risks becoming internet-brained in the way where you have to issue about a dozen disclaimers before saying anything, so that no one can accuse you of saying something that you’re not, so: afford me the grace of understanding that describing why some people might act a certain way does not mean I’m justifying their acting that way.

Anyway. The really disappointing part was that this was someone whom I would have thought would see some measure of solidarity - but no. It turns out that everyone has to have some subgroup of their larger group that they can disdain, that they can consider to be not REALLY the thing.

It feels like this happens weekly. Someone either says something deliberately inflammatory because they want to start Discourse on who belongs and who doesn’t, or someone says something innocent and another person takes it personally and blows it up to major proportions, annoying, offending, depressing, and putting off whole groups of people on the way. Every now and again a common enemy makes itself known and people put aside their differences for a moment, but it never lasts. It’s dispiriting.

And, okay, fair point, why do I care what some internet strangers say, who are, again, not talking to me and don’t know me from a hole in the ground? I both do and don’t; in an individual sense I don’t, because why would it matter what someone I’ll never meet thinks about a category I’m in? It doesn’t! Who cares! But in a larger sense, it feels like crap. And this isn’t exactly news - being part of a group that’s being discussed negatively feels bad to members of said group, more at 11 - but there’s people you expect this from and people you don’t, you know?

Either way, it doesn’t change who or what I am, but I wish I didn’t have to have the same thought every two weeks: namely, quit fighting with people who are on the same team as you! Quit making an oppressor’s job easier! We might not want to be sat next to each other at dinner but we are going to have to work together in the face of people who don’t want any of us to have rights. Which… is escalating. Even during the course of writing this. I imagine you’ve all seen the news about Meta making a special carve-out in their hate speech rules for slurs about trans people, which are now permitted, and the other relaxations of their moderation policies around hate speech. So. Maybe the actual bad guy is the one who wants all of us to shut up and disappear, and if that’s the case, not shutting up and not disappearing is more necessary than ever.

What am I reading

Well, at least this is what I was reading a couple weeks ago.

It’s a hefty tome named Gig, and it’s a collection of - well, I hesitate to say “interviews,” since the interviewers are not present at all, just the interviewees - let’s say, personal stories about people’s jobs. It’s edited by John Bowe, Marisa Bowe, and Sabin Streeter, and that’s mainly relevant because at least two and maybe all three of them were part of the team that produced Sissyfight 2000, the game where Matt and I met (and also where I met many other people who are still my friends today!). This being the case, there was a banner ad at the bottom of the forum pages for this book, complete with animated chomping stapler, that haunted many of our dreams. I didn’t buy the book because of the stapler ad, by the way! I saw it in a thrift store years later and had a forum flashback, and then bought it.

It’s fascinating, now, mainly because it was published in 2000, and both the working world and the world in general have both changed so much. Some of these stories seem practically quaint; some are full of sexism, both perpetrated and described, and only occasionally remarked-upon; there are at least two racial slurs uttered; there are a lot more jobs that don’t rely on computers.

The jobs vary widely, from the mundane to the prestigious - there are even some recognizable names in it (right now I’m reading one from Barney Frank, of all people). And reading it right now, in an era of rapid job disappearance, really underscores some of the differences in that time versus now. First, a lot of those jobs were about to change in a major way, as computers became necessary rather than niche, and the internet sped up for more people. And second, most of the people interviewed here don’t seem too worried about their job. No one’s concerned that the job itself will disappear, or that they’re lucky to be employed when friends and peers are scrambling for jobs. I’d be very interested to read a followup piece on people doing the same jobs (probably not the same exact individuals, 25 years later, unless they had monumental job satisfaction and security, though!), and to see how people describe that same work today. I suspect there would be a lot more homogeneity in today’s version - a lot of different types of job are now basically “email jobs,” regardless of what specific field you’re in.

I think you should read it, if only to see a snapshot of another world, and - maybe - to think about how you would describe your job if someone came to you writing a book like this. And, of course, to appease the unslakeable hunger of The Stapler.

Some links

I had no idea there were so many breakup coaches out there, helping people get back to themselves after (usually) being dumped. And I really had no idea that in Germany you can get a doctor’s note excusing you from work due to your broken heart! The New Business of Breakups

PHEW, this is a damning indictment of Netflix, and not just their recent activities - back in the dvds-by-mail era, they referred internally to customers with a lot of movies at one time as “pigs,” so they’ve been pretty scornful of their customers for a long time - but it’s definitely gotten worse. If you only read one of these links, this is the one. (but also read the rest! they’re good!) Casual Viewing

The glib answer is “I have a lot more free time,” but in truth, this is already happening. What Happens When the Internet Disappears?

I feel like everyone has, at some point, gone “really, supporting?” about some Oscar nomination or other. Well, here’s the goods on that. The Unwritten Rule that Still Shapes Oscar Campaigns

Speaking of, uh, film. Why JFK Staged His Own Murder in a James Bond-Inspired Spy Film - 2 Months Before His Assassination

You know I love art heist stories, but also, what is going on with (rich) people living at hotels? The photographer whose work was stolen resided - for years! - at the fancy hotel where the theft took place, and I have to think that even counting the expenses of hiring people to do the various things that come with hotel living, it has got to be way more expensive than having an apartment or house. Rich people are just in another reality than normal people. The Strange Theft of a Priceless Churchill Portrait

The original title for this piece, and I’m not making this up, was “A Boy and His Hog.” Come on. COME ONNNN. His Best Friend Was a 250-Pound Warthog. One Day It Decided to Kill Him

Fucking terrifying. Also, remember that this could be you at any time. Anyone who isn’t disabled is simply not disabled yet. Their Bionic Eyes are Now Obsolete and Unsupported

Unfortunately I came out of reading this thinking both parties were very annoying. Imagine wanting to live in a colorless, personality-free void, for starters. But it’s true that there’s little to no oversight of this now-huge industry, and if you wanted to copy someone’s whole deal and make money off it, no one’s really stopping you. The Influencer Lawsuit That Could Change the Industry

If I ever refer to “shovels and rakes and implements of dee-struction”... The Real Alice of Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant” Dies at 83

THIS SOUNDS FINE HAHA WE’RE ALL FINE HERE HOW ARE YOU The Dogs of Chernobyl Are Experiencing Rapid Evolution, Study Suggests

Honestly this is just really sad. Teenage girls had no protections at all until so recently, looking at her story as a whole. Also, content warning for a picture of her actual bones. Unraveling the 50-Year Mystery of the Body in the Basement

This is going to be a blueprint over the next few years as the incoming “government” will be taking aim at schools. Seattle Planned to Close 21 Public Schools - Here’s How We Stopped Them

Tunes I’ve been listening to lately

Some tunes you just hear once and they’re in your head for 3 straight days.

Likewise, but it happens way more often.

Ditto, except this is also a song my band used to cover, back when that was a thing that happened.

This month’s top 5: Pokemon cards that Hap has, by how fun their name is to say

We have been playing a LOT of Pokemon.

1. Wooper

2. Flabébé (you have to do a little dramatic flourish when you say it)

3. Indeedee (it’s important to sound like an actual chickadee when you do this one)

4. Sprigatito (clearly a Cornholio vibe applies here)

5. Salandit, Salazzle, Hassenpfeffer Incorporated!

Ok, off we go into this cursed year 2025, and I’ll leave you with two spreadsheets of GoFundMes and mutual aid opportunities to help people displaced by the LA fires:

• Black families displaced in Altadena

• MALAN (Mutual Aid LA Network) list of aid needs

Oh, and my new year’s resolution was to make more veggie stock. Thanks.

_{1 “it is time for… time” this bitch just got published wow}

_{2 whom you should honestly consider following on instagram - they’re from the yukon and take lots of pictures of e.g. beautiful winter skies etc}

_{3 maybe i should make Something I Saw Online a recurring section. joking but also kind of not}

_{4 i suspect it’s because this line also comes off as awfully similar to “you don’t need to transition to be trans,” which, while true, has been co-opted by people trying to talk trans folks out of transitioning and now has that stink on it}